Geek Feminism, “On Not Being OK” (via violettabellocchio)

On top of what is listed above, I get the strong feeling that a lot of nerdy/geeky types are incapable of accepting the fact that they might be utterly wrong when they make judgments about other people/say stupid shit and that they simply don’t want to apologize or make amends. The unfortunate childhood bullying many nerds/geeks go through often results in insecurity that reestablishes itself as stealthier bullying of others later in life. 

I wonder if some of this is a Geek Social Fallacy issue as well? Like, geek/nerd types who were bullied and rejected growing up have a real problem calling out or rejecting someone else in a social situation, even if they’re being an asshole on a regular basis. I’ve seen social circles that put up with (usually dudes) that everyone hates or is creeped out by for months or years, because they just can’t bring themselves to reject that person or confront them in an overt way.

This is not to justify anything, and it’s also a big reason I’m not really comfortable in overtly-geek/nerd environments at this point, but I think it is a reason that people who could and should be good allies end up staying silent and a toxic environment is allowed to perpetuate. Misogynist and boorish types take full advantage of this dynamic to assert themselves and dominate or at least cast a chill over the environment, and once they’re entrenched, there’s no getting rid of them because nobody is willing to outright tell them they’re not welcome. And it usually takes that kind of an overt effort, and on a repeated basis at that, to get rid of them.

I don’t know what you do with that. Nerd subcultures are already a tough environment for equality as it is, and things like this make it even tougher to move things in a better direction. The people sensitive to these issues eventually just give up and leave (as well they probably should, as I have a hard time asking anyone to subject themselves to a toxic environment when they have alternatives), but that just clears the field for the misogynists and bullies even more.

(via oldtobegin)